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I should probably provide a bit of background here. I'm a guy in his early-mid twenties, and generally I'm fairly conservative in my attitude to sex toys. I've been with a few girls who incorporated toys into our playtime, and whilst they found them good fun, you could say that none exactly "lit my fire". I've gone to adult stores with previous girlfriends, and from what I saw most of the items on offer marketed specifically for guys were definitely not to my taste. They ranged merely from the anatomically dubious (Pornstar X's GIANT PUSSY & ASS!) to the downright disconcerting (Inflatable sheep! With three entries!). I saw penis pumps with more valves and cylinders than you'd find on a V6, and robotic pussies that not so much resembled something sexy as they did R2D2 with a latex hole and attached vacuum pump with the capacity to unblock the sink. I ain't goin' near that shit, fool.
*ahem*
The internet proved equally fruitless. Most items were reviewed along the lines of "yeah, it felt okay" or "lasted one use before it ripped". Quality of sensation and reliability of the product on offer did not seem to be high on the reviewers' opinions. Occasionally I'd see a review that was just cringeworthy, along the lines of "OMG this pussy feels great, exactly like what I imagined a real woman would!!!1!". Yeah, right. I'm not going to take advice from someone who clearly doesn't have a clue of what they're dealing with.
I had read several very positive reviews about a particular American gadget, created by a company called ILF, and apparently only available at that time via the internet credit card order. However, both me and my partner at the time considered that using a credit card to buy sex toys from overseas was risky, and would be at least embarrassing to explain to the police if we were the victim of a scam.
Flash forward a few years later. Poking around on the net a week or so ago, I recalled the name of the device - Fleshlight - and I tried doing a google search for it within Australia. Through sheer luck and by the grace of whatever deity you care to worship, this was apparently a few weeks after Pash, Spool and Faz had started their little enterprise here. What the hell, I thought, and I placed an order. I'm single at the moment, uni and work has slowed my social life to a standstill, and I needed a bit of a treat.
Within a few minutes I had received a reply in my inbox. The order was confirmed, on monday I went into the bank to do an over-the-counter direct deposit, and by midday tuesday two express post parcels were parked in my letterbox. I've done quite a bit of commercial dealing via the internet over the last few years, and the service provided here is by far the fastest and most efficient that I have seen. Totally private, discrete and no bizarre company name to pop up on the credit card statement. Seriously, it's a geniune credit to the Aussie Fleshlight team. You guys (and girl!) have got the customer service aspect spot-on.
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Okay, let's get to the point of this review. I bought the pink SB mouth and the clear lady WW. With that I got a plain grey case and a crystal case. From first examination, the quality blew me away. The case is almost indestructible, made of very heavy duty and quite thick rigid plastic. It was better made than most actual utility flashlights I've seen over the years. The inserts are incredibly soft and supple, yet pleasingly firm to the touch. At any rate, you need to feel these things to get an idea for yourself. Like I said at the start of this, I suppose I'm a bit of a prude when it comes to male sex toys, and even I find these things arousing. That should say something about the quality of the Fleshlight. Anyway, let's get down to business here.
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I flipped a coin, and tried the SB mouth first. Hey, I've always loved oral.
Anyway, after immersing the insert and a tube of Fourseasons lube in hot water as suggested for about 20 minutes, and engaging in the appropriate creative erotic mental imagery (that's a university-educated term for "hot and sexy thoughts about really hot women, like Jessica Alba") I was prepared.
I lubed the insert up and began my first FLight. Basically, there's a bit of resistance and POP, you're inside, swallowed up. Very pleasing. Once inside, the combination of the warmth of the insert, the slippery lube and the little knobs along the length of the shaft is incredible. Snug, sexy, tickling right along your dick, doing a little dance on the tip whilst gently sucking you. Not disimilar to a blowjob in terms of sensation, yet more subtle, and at exactly the pace you want, and for as long as you want. The stimulation is great, but not so intense that I blew immediately. Rather, it works up gradually, getting more and more intense over the course of time. After about ten minutes of this I couldn't stand it any longer and I came, extremely hard. As much as I hate the term "ball-draining", that's exactly what the sensation was like. All I could do was lie back and savour the feeling. Definitely the best orgasm I had had at that point from self-stimulation, and one of the better ones overall. Probably right up there with a really good blowjob.
Over the next few days I gave the SB mouth a few more goes. Believe it or not, it does get better, and as you would expect, the slower you go to begin with and the longer you last inside it, the better the finish.
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Last night I tried the WW lady. This one came in clear - not my first choice at the time, but I think I'm a convert now. Same as before, I prewarmed the insert and the lube in hot water and occupied myself with naughty thoughts for a while. Entry into the lady is different to the mouth - there is perhaps a little more resistance and the WW produces a different sensation. It's similar to a vagina, however the waves are more pronounced and the suction on your dick is marked. As I went in and out, I could feel the waves rippling up and down my shaft, doing a little "pluck-pluck-pluck" thing on the head. I found that by going slowly the sensation became very sexy and intimate, and I found that I could last quite well in this toy. Note that this one seems to take a bit more lube than the SB mouth. That's fine, hot and wet is what it should be like!
From the clock beside my bed, I think it was about half an hour before I came. Like the SB mouth beforehand, the orgasm was a blaster. However, this time it seemed very extended, and flowed over about twice as many peaks as I'm used to, the muscles in my legs tightening unbelievably hard. Each peak was significantly more intense than I had experienced before, a really big, full-bodied orgasm. Basically, I was utterly blown away. Afterwards, I felt completely relaxed, tired out and drained.
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I think I've probably said just about all that can be said about the Fleshlight. Whilst it can't replicate the smell, the taste or the touch of a woman, and nor can it provide the emotional satisfaction of doing something beautiful with someone that you love, it's not supposed to. It's a toy, and damn, it works well. Although your mileage may vary, over the last couple of days I've had a couple of unbelieveable orgasms with this thing. I don't think that's a fluke; I think some very serious work has gone into designing this thing, and the quality really shows. It's a little more expensive than some other items out there, but as far as I'm concerned, I'd rather not pay good money for a second-rate orgasm. To be crude, I can have a second-rate orgasm myself with a fistful of lotion and some porn.
Overall, what you have here is an excellent quality toy, backed up by terrific customer service. You have to try it to believe it, and when you do, you'll be converted.
Grumpymonkey, signing off.
