First of all, I'd like to propose a moments silence for Pash. The Moderatrix with the sexy lips who has to listen to all these hot stories about FLying, who collects Fleshlights like they're Pokemon, yet is denied the privilege of owning a penis. Poor Pash, my heart goes out to you............Moments silence............Thank you.
Second, I’ve been reading all the testimonies and I really like this room. Everyone is very helpful and good natured. It’s almost like a family….or dare I say, cult. Good work guys.
So anyway, I gave up wanking. *GASP* OMG you say. Settle down, its not as bad as it sounds. From the moment I stumbled onto this fantastic site and placed and order within minutes I said “No more, shall I subject my cock to the brutalities of my rough right hand. It deserves better. Much better. Deathgrip be gone”. So I decided to wait until she arrived. (I haven’t named her yet. I can’t call her Charlene. Too easy). Man, the longest few days of my life. From the time I ordered, to the time I paid to the time I actually got it, I've gone over half a week without relief. I don't think I've done that since I worked out how to do it in the first place watching Monkeys at the zoo. I though waiting for a Playstation 3 was bad.
There seems to be a common theme or state of mind in all the testys when the FL’s arrive. We’re all like little kids the night before Christmas eyeing off that most desirable of presents sitting under the tree. Dying to sneak a peek. I’m sure the same phrase went through our heads as we first grabbed the box as well. “Man I can’t wait to Fuck this thing. GRRRRRRRRRRRR !”.
The big day. My Pink Lady Wonder Wave was coming soon, just like me. I wanted to call in sick. Or better yet just quit my job so I could have months off. Maybe I can make a living selling sperm by the bucket. You have to understand, I saw FL maybe 4 or 5 years ago and I knew right away I wanted one, but I never wanted to order from an Overseas site or use a credit card. I’ve scoured my local sex shops but no one ever had them. Alas happiness, it seemed, was not for me. The best I could manage was a carwash sponge from the servo with a neat hole cut in it. Pull a condom through and fill it with baby oil. Is there something wrong with me? I made this up and I think it’s pretty clever. I’ve never heard of anyone else doing it but now I know its cos you were all FLying your brains out. The breaking point was when I recently went to the Melbourne Sexpo, (I am not from a big city) and still nothing. Inferior toys everywhere which you poke out the end of. They suck, and not in the good way. If I couldn’t get it there, then I was going to have to bite the bullet and order online which I had long since stopped keeping track of. Google, Fleshlight. All the results came up. Hang on. .Com.AU. AU !!! (cue trumpets blaring, angels singing, harp strings being plucked). I’m getting off the topic a little here. Anyway, I was happy is what I’m saying. Aussie site. Direct Deposit. Nuff said. And I never say nuff said. I hate that friggen expression. Actually I hate friggen too. Change that to fucking.
So even after all this anticipation you’d think I would have just dropped my lolly in it right there at the mailbox, but no. When I touched it. Wow. The incredible softness. I mean I was expecting it to be good. Really good. But you just can't imagine til you've touched it. In fact the first feeling you get of it is through the plastic wrapping and even then it had so much give. All I wanted to do was rub it with my nose and giggle like some sort of perverted anteater/hyena cross. Pure silk. Please, can you get someone to make a pair of breasts out of this stuff. Think about it. Lay a pillow down like a torso. Put the breasts on, shove the fleshy under the pillow case. I wouldn’t have to leave my room again. C'mon this is a great idea. Who doesn't like Titfucking? Also, since you want marketing ideas, how about a little business card that says Fleshlight, made out of the skin. Pass that out to someone, and instant sale. Guaranteed! They’ll probably root the card. Or do an ad like the tattslotto one with the different cars for each day of the week. Writes itself.
So far I’ve said a lot without really saying anything. I don’t really need to tell you about the actual experience. You’ve all been there. Let’s just say the only reason I’ll have to buy a carwash sponge again, is to wash my car. I want to strap this thing to me like a horse with a feedbag and walk around all day like that. If only society permitted. I tried it once but now I’m not allowed in Myers anymore, nor will I be playing Santa again. The fact you can heat it is what really elevates it from forgettable rubber vagina to incredible lifestyle accessory. FLying is a way of life after all. The warmth spreads through your whole body. And the way it grips the whole length evenly and doesn’t want to let go. The cap is genius. The suction is awesome. FL looks real, feels real, and even sounds real. I hate these other crap toys I got at the Sexpo in my disappointment, that you hit the back of. It’s not that I’m huge or anything, they’re just not designed for you to thrust all the way like a FL is. I’m just gonna throw them away now, they’re not worthy of my attention. Y’know, you steak/hamburger thing. Plus cos FL is all contained you don’t have to stop on the gravy stroke and aim for your favourite cumrag, (one of the most annoying parts of batting for me). Any bloke will tell you the best strokes, the last one. Who wants to stop there? Take it right to the end and a line from the movie Jay and Silent Bob springs to mind. “Dude, I just filled the cup”.
Plus the guy who put his in a mannequin head. That’s a great idea. I love women’s hair and the thought of holding a head with the hair spilling over me is very arousing. Remember when you first smoked dope and you wanted to turn everything into a bong? Pencil cases, apples, Jim Beam bottles. Now I'm looking at everything wondering what I can drill a hole in to mount my FL in. How can I turn that broken 10 speed racer into a piston driven fuck machine. Should I get a 12v or 14v Makita Impact Driver. Maybe a bigger version of one of those drinking bird things. Think Dammit, think.
My only regret is in my excitement while ordering I thought I only needed one. Why would I need more I thought? But even before my first got here I was thinking of increasing my harem. Should I get one more complete, or go the 342 deal. I’m leaning towards just getting them one by one. The thing is I think they all deserve their own cases. It’s only right. And it’s not nice to the girls to play favourites. There is something wrong with me isn’t there?
Is there a negative to fleshlight? One of your forum topics mentioned price. Screw that tightarse. (Sorry Buddy, harsh words I know. Besides I think you just messed the conversion rates up.). The pleasure it gives, with the amount of time it will last, with the amount of use I will get from it. Let’s see, 10 to 15 times a week, times 52 weeks, hmmm. If I don’t root this thing 2000 times before the next decade I’ll be very surprised. You should be charging a grand. No, the one and only negative I can come up with is this. I’ve been very chatty here. Loquacious even. That’s because its anonymous. Its like confession. Lots of people like to open up once given the chance but masturbation is not a subject most aussie blokes bring up with their friends unless its for a joke. “What! ME pull my own cock? Fuck off, I’d never do that. I’ve got chicks lined up for that”. And that’s the problem. I feel like I’m the keeper of the worlds best secret. . I know something cooler than the matrix and I can’t tell anyone. If everyone only knew. I’d be giving them out for Christmas presents. Every bloke and every couple should have one. Every sex worker should definitely have one. I’m sure every sex worker has had “problem customers” before. The pressure, the wait, she’s finally there. Sometimes your disappointed but don’t want to say. There’s a lot going on and you’re not always up to it. 2 minutes with a Fleshlight would fix all that. You should speak to some people and see what they think, but if you get a big contract I want a commission, or better yet a Mocha Butt Speedbump insert.
Maybe we should get secret rings so you can recognize your fellow flesh floggers when you see them on the street. I don’t know about a secret handshake but, cos I know what you've been doing with those hands. Hehe. Anyway once we start seeing the ads in Picture and People we can start coyly dropping hints to our mates. "Oh yeah, I saw them things on a cable show. People say they're really good. I put a pinch of cinnamon in my Pink Lady so she smells ni..............I've said too much."
Couple more things and I'll shutup, promise. And if you're still reading, nice work.
I said before I like the room, but the whole site is excellent thanks to Pash and Faz as well as the other regular contributors. Ordering what I wanted and paying for it was so easy, that it’s gonna be so easy to do again. Its no surprise you won best new product because it’s the best product, full stop. Congrates. While I'm not paranoid about it I appreciate the discretion with the packaging and the delivery. It's a lot better than having to go into some dodgy sex shop. I also think its unreal you could win a new sleeve just for telling you how good the first one was (which was a lot of fun writing too, incidentally). Imagine if you won doing a testimony on the sleeve you won last month. You'd be on a hat trick. Go Oz.
So bottomline, how good is it? Well it wasn't even dry yet from my maiden FLight and I'd already ordered my second. Can't wait for that Mocha Speedbump Butt.
That’s it from me. I've got.......work to do. Yeah. And please, anyone, if it's within your powers to get the breasts idea happening, do it. I'll take a sixpack and a pair of butt cheeks.EDIT
I actually posted this below but I thought it deserved to be in the original testimony so I did an edit.
I just wanted to do little mini review on the Lady Opening. First of all, I love the clit. When you work your finger up the slit to the top it feels great. Rub it in a circular motion and the whole pussy moves in a nice and fairly realistic way. The clit feels great on your tongue and for those that want to practice a little technique or even those that just like a vagina on their mouth this is like a bullseye. Give it a suck and you'll swear it even comes out from the hood a bit. The lips a really nice as well but I wish the crease between the minora and the majora was a little deeper near the bottom so you'd have abit more "butterfly wing" to play with. Also I wish the little wrinkle at the bottom stopped at the hole leaving a little smooth bit, like that smooth little inch and a half of skin between vag and arse. As for smooth, it would also be nice if the whole outside part had a bit of a texture like the inside of the lips, just to take away a bit of that unnatural smoothness. But this is all just splitting hairs. The overall look and feel is incredible. Put a finger in (with a WW) and its very realistic. Anyone lucky enough to have had 2 fingers in a real lady will know it looser with your fingers on top of each other and tighter side by side. The fleshlight is no different. Just as a final note I'm loving the cap. The different levels of suction are great. I dont know if there's any different for cut guys but for me with the cap open its looser, you can go quicker and my head is always exposed. With a bit of suction my foreskin pulls up and down. It feels like and extra, thicker rib or wave has been put in there and is going up and down the top third of my cock. It's a great feeling. Fleshlight surely must rank in the top ten inventions of all time. Screw the steam engine.
"FLight Club became the reason to trim your nails and keep your hair short. People would give you uncomfortable looks and I'd get right in their hot little faces. "Yes, I've been FLighting. Yes, I'm OK with that."
