One to cross off, My Testimonial. Options

[JZA80]

Buying a fleshlight was a thing that I had wanted to do for quite a long time from about 10 minutes after I discovered them "randomly" surfing the internet a few years back.
I dislike having relatively expensive items shipped from overseas, what happens if it gets lost or any one of the million of shipping fuck ups which happen daily?. So I was quite over joyed to see
Fleshlight Australia and the thought of crossing "Buy a fleshlight" off my mental shopping list came to fruition.

I had one week off work, what better time to buy a fleshlight right? Absofuckinglutely correct.
I ordered Friday night (Brooke Skye lotus). It was probably the most exciting thing I have bought since I stole money out of my mother's wallet and bought a fuck load of lollies and slush puppies when I was 9.
Saturday was painful.
Sunday was painful.
Monday was painful.
By Tuesday I had a twitch in my leg in anticipation. (btw day time TV is shit)

*ding dong* welcomely interrupts generic law and order show #424142141. I leg it to the door. I open the door. The AAE guy must be fucking spiderman because he's no where in sight and the annoying cunt of a door bell only rang 3 seconds ago. I hurriedly snatch up the parcel and successfully resist raising it above my head and making the noise when you get an important item in zelda n64. Now like a wounded antelope I hop to my room and stash the parcel.
Call of Duty 4 is so hard when that innocent looking AAE jiffy bag is shining in your eyes. It wants to be opened. It needs to be opened. So I open it.

Innocent looking box, I put it down reverently and begin to retrieve the obnoxious amount of lube I ordered. At this point I realize I have enough lube to anally examine a herd of cattle which surprisingly I believe is not as funny as it sounds.
I open the innocent looking box. "Oh sweet fleshlight it has been too long". With many awkward motions the fleshlight is unwrapped and I take the cap off.

Yes you've heard it, you will hear it again. It's really really soft. Obligatory sticking of fingers and looking inside etc etc. The vagina is nicely done.
At this point, I'm over waiting and ready for the action. Finally the fucking house clears. Green smoke, go go go.

Warming was complicated. Only because I couldn't find a plug for the sink and had to use tissues (ghetto plug?) and burnt myself on the scalding water. I made sure the thing floated about in the water for a long while then retrieved it with a pair of tongs. (haha motherfucker thwarted)

So we missed dinner and drinks and went straight to it. I applied generous lubrication. Lay back on the couch and impaled it. Now I'm not a huge guy, and I'd heard bad things about the lotus but it felt great. The warmth was amazing. As a guy who generally can't masturbate without using the foreskin (to sensitive) I cannot replicate the sensations the FL can give me by myself. That is hugely impressive. Orgasm was quick (10mins) and highly pleasurable as I was able to keep stimulating during orgasm. Using my hand I just wiggle it while cumming as if I try to stroke it's just too much. With the FL I was rolling around like ODing on cocaine mixed with an epileptic fit.

Cleaning was easy. Drying is a pain. These days If I need a quick dry, I turn them inside out and dab a cloth on them. Also sticking a tissue inside helps soak up extra moisture.

As they say with fleshlights one is never enough, the next day I ordered a butt ice in wonder wave which is amazing. The novelty of seeing your self inside the ice insert doesn't get old quickly either.

In closing, if your on the fence about the fleshlight just do it. You will not regret it. Everyone here will tell you after sticking your end in your first thought is "this was worth every cent".

It would be amiss of me to not give a props to the friendly and professional staff who looked after me very well.

Anyways hope you enjoyed the testimonial. If you have any questions please don't be shy.

Sincerely

Me.

[fazman]

Hi JZ, welcome to the forums. Always great to read a testimonial from the members first views of the fleshlight. Sounds like you're enjoying yourself with both of them

[lordoth]

Welcome to the world of the Fleshlights mate. Sounds like you had a perfect first session. There will be many more brilliant ones to 'cum'

[Pash]

Hahahahaha OMG that was one of the best testimonials Ive read in a while JZ... AwEsOmE!!!

You've got it all figured out ... so there is nothing more I can add here, except... Welcome to the FLight Club!

PMSL @ the annoying cunt of a door bell...

LMAO @ enough lube to anally examine a heard of cattle...

most people don't like the C word, but your descriptive style was real and had me 'once again' totally in the moment and laughing out loud!

Cheers,
Pash

[JZA80]

hehe, I'm glad it entertained. The "C" word if you will, is a great word, only because it still holds a great illogical victorianeque vulgarity that people still don't want to shake. Thus used sparingly and appropriately really adds power to what you are trying to emphasize.

Oh and I got my fleshies in April, I however only really have time (and opportunity) to use them on weekends so I have not a great number of flights.
However first time stories are always the best

The only thing that I still can't figure out is where that AAE guy went.. shifty bastard.

[jonnyW]

Welcome to the forum, JZA80. The testimonial is great; glad you are enjoying your membership of the FLight Club.

Agree that the Lotus is hard to dry. Tissue can be a b****r to remove, though.

Two ideas: - Wrap a cotton handkerchief around a chopstick, and "push and pull" through the channel
after washing out (NOT with the insert in the case, though) TAKE CARE to keep the chopstick in line!

- Place 12-15" in front of a fan, heated or not, depending on temperature and humidity.

My last delivery was made at 07.30, one ring and off... I had to collect from the Postal sorting office later.

[Pash]

hahaha.. spiderman, spiderman... does whatever a spider can....

Im willing to bet you're a fan of Tenacious D...... or you should be LOL

[Guest_The_Man_With_No_Name_*]

That is one extremely funny Testimonial

yes and day time TV is shocking =D thats why I don't watch it

[wannagettaller]

fantastic testimonial! well done!! Hilarious yet informative.

just one question JZA80, would you say the Lotus is abit too tight for your foreskin to squeeze in while you'r in action? well i'm planning to get a lotus FL (pretty soon!)but i'm concern the fact that it might be too tight coz i'm one of those guys who cant do it without the foreskin.

[JZA80]

fantastic testimonial! well done!! Hilarious yet informative.

just one question JZA80, would you say the Lotus is abit too tight for your foreskin to squeeze in while you'r in action? well i'm planning to get a lotus FL (pretty soon!)but i'm concern the fact that it might be too tight coz i'm one of those guys who cant do it without the foreskin.

If you use an appropriate amount of lube, and you don't have a horse dick you should be fine.
I think it goes without saying that if your feeling any discomfort moar lube is required.

Unless you like a little discomfort.

[wannagettaller]

hahaha noway...i might just need heaps of lube then....cheers for that....

[countrydude]

awesome testy JZA80 funny stuff
glad it was all u expected and more... welcome to the FLight club man